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Gilmore Girls Quotes [entries|friends|calendar]
Gilmore Girls Quotes

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Scene in a Mall [18 Jan 2006|02:19am]

all_along
[Lorelai is talking to Rory on the phone about the fact that they should get together because they have been having an "email relationship"]

LORELAI
Want to go shopping? We haven't done that in ages.

RORY
But we're both totally skint.

LORELAI
Huh? We're what?

RORY
We're skint -- broke. It's British.

LORELAI
Oh man, you've learned to speak British. I didn't even know about it.

-Scene in a Mall, 4.15
1 acceptance meal|rant

A House Is Not A Home [17 Jan 2006|02:15am]

all_along
[Lorelai's at the police station]

OFFICER
Rory Gilmore is coming out now.

LORELAI
Oh, thank you.

COLIN
You're here for Rory?

LORELAI
Yeah.

FINN
Oh, well, we would have taken her home.

COLIN
Just so you know she was covered.

LORELAI
[sarcastic] Wow. The relief.

COLIN
I'm Colin. This is Finn. And you are?

LORELAI
Her mother.

FINN
My God, those are good genes.

-A House Is Not A Home, 5.22
1 acceptance meal|rant

Dead Uncles and Vegetables [16 Jan 2006|12:49am]

all_along
PROPRIETOR
Why’d you say it twice?

TAYLOR
Hmm?

BABETTE
You said cart, kiosk, cart, kiosk.

LORELAI
It’s repetitive.

RORY
And redundant.

LORELAI
It’s repetitive.

RORY
And redundant.

LORELAI
We certainly are entertaining, Mac.

RORY
Indubitably, Tosh.

-Dead Uncles and Vegetables, 2.17
1 acceptance meal|rant

Fight Face [15 Jan 2006|12:26am]

all_along
LUKE
It's a dog!

LORELAI
Yeah, very good! [To the dog] He's smart, too! Not as smart as you.

LUKE
What are you doing with a dog?

LORELAI
I bought him. Doesn't he look happy?

LUKE
Yeah, I guess. You bought a dog!

LORELAI
Yeah, and he loves me. And he doesn't give his love easily. The only drawback's the name. Coco. It's too cutesy. But he's a rescue, so I don't want to freak him out by giving him a new name right away, so I'm going to get to the name I want to give him in baby steps. For the first week I'll call him Coco, to get him acclimated -

LUKE
Acclimated.

LORELAI
Second week I'm going to call him Cokie, third week Kooky, fourth week Tooky.

LUKE
So you're going to name him Tooky.

LORELAI
No, I'm going to name him Paul Anka, but it's going to take a while to get to Paul Anka.

Fight Face, 6.02
rant

Emily Says Hello [14 Jan 2006|12:04am]

all_along
EMILY
I think it's time for me to date.

LORELAI
[chokes on her drink] Oh, my God.

EMILY
I want to go on a date.

LORELAI
With - a man?

EMILY
No, a weasel. Of course with a man!

LORELAI
I'm not hearing this.

EMILY
Well, why shouldn't I date? I'm still a viable commodity.

LORELAI
I need a paper towel and a Valium, please.

EMILY
There are plenty of men at the club who, in the past, have made their interest in me known, I just need to figure out how to reciprocate their feelings. You have a lot of experience with men. How do you let them know that you're available?

LORELAI
Well, one of those bench ads usually does the trick.

EMILY
Lorelai, stop it. I need help here. It's been years since I did this, and I don't remember the proper procedure! Now take me through this step-by-step. You see a man, you walk up to him and you say ... [Gestures at Lorelai]

LORELAI
...Hello.

EMILY
Is that too forward?

LORELAI
No, it's the appropriate way to indicate you're open to a social engagement. Unless, however, you are approaching a weasel. Then I believe the proper signal is just to offer him your hindquarters.

-Emily Says Hello, 5.09
rant

Christopher Returns [13 Jan 2006|12:33am]

all_along
LORELAI
Um, can I make one more suggestion?

LUKE
No.

LORELAI
Curtains.

LUKE
No.

LORELAI
Manly curtains.

LUKE
Oxymoron.

LORELAI
What did you call me?

-Christopher Returns, 1.15
2 acceptance meals|rant

Cinnamon’s Wake [12 Jan 2006|12:13am]

all_along
MAX
Ok, ok. Um...how about coffee? You like coffee?

LORELAI
Only with my oxygen.

-Cinnamon’s Wake, 1.05
rant

A Family Matter [11 Jan 2006|01:54pm]

all_along
RORY
I just ran into Jamie, and he's wandering around lonely, missing you, scared of losing you, and you're sitting here watching C-SPAN!

PARIS
Nobody watches C-SPAN. It's just on in the background.

RORY
Well you gotta choose Paris, because this is becoming pretty clear that the what-ever-you-want-to-call-it with the professor is not a short-lived thing.

PARIS
I'd say that's accurate, and you can just call him Asher.

RORY
No, he's my teacher, so I think I'll stick with professor.

PARIS
Professor just makes him sound old.

RORY
He IS old!

PARIS
He's sixty. Today's sixty is what fifty was twenty years ago and he's got the body of a forty year old.

RORY
I really don't want to talk about his body.

PARIS
I'm not denying that we've got a May-December romance going on here.

RORY
This is not May-December, this is May - Ming Dynasty.

PARIS
An age difference like this is very common. People dating people the same age are passe now.

RORY
My grandfather introduced you to him. Do you see how awkward this is for me?

PARIS
Well, hot men tend to run in packs.

RORY
Do not ever say anything like that again.

PARIS
Mary, you are such a prude.

RORY
Well, at least I'm not mean to people who love me. Where is your heart?

PARIS
I know I've mishandled the Jamie situation. He just can't take a hint.

RORY
Well, you gotta do something, because one of us here does care about Jamie and I think its me.

PARIS
I know. He's my first real boyfriend.

RORY
Well, you got lucky with him.

PARIS
And he's crazy about me, I never quite figured out why.

RORY
Oh, don't get so self-deprecating. It's obnoxious.

PARIS
He's been so forgiving. I've been pretty mean. [picks up cordless phone and starts dialing]

RORY
Just talk to him and see how it goes.

PARIS
[into phone] Hey, it's me. We've got to end this - now. [Rory is shocked.] There's just no reason to prolong it. Sorry you came all the way out here. Well, Rory show me the light. She made me see there's just no point in going on.

RORY
Paris!

PARIS
No, she just came home and we talked. She's right here if you want to ask her, yourself.

RORY
Do not give me that phone!

PARIS
Anyhow, I'm really sorry Jamie. Really. Bye.

RORY
That had all the tact of a Nazi storm trooper.

-A Family Matter, 4.12
1 acceptance meal|rant

How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod? [10 Jan 2006|12:04am]

all_along
LUKE
Rory’s coming in tonight?

LORELAI
Yeah, she’s going to see Lane’s band play at Positively Four Street tonight. They have the coveted three in the morning slot.

LUKE
I hear that’s how Zeppelin started.

LORELAI
Yeah, her genius plan is to come home, go to bed early, set the clock for two, get up and go rock.

LUKE
Solid plan.

LORELAI
Yes, except that when the clock goes off at two, she will be dead asleep and won’t hear it. I, however, will. I will then proceed to get up, drag myself downstairs, recreating a classic Zucker Brothers moment and then I’ll shake her awake. She’ll get up, throw on some jeans, a t-shirt, and no make-up and look like a Neutrogena ad, whereas once she leaves, I’ll pass out on the couch, too exhausted to make it all the way upstairs, and in the morning I will have bags under my eyes that should have Tumi stamped on them. I love being a mom.

-How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?, 5.20
rant

Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller [09 Jan 2006|03:00am]

all_along
[Lane and Rory are discussing Rory having sex with Dean]

ZACH
[OS] Lane!

LANE
[Yells back] In a minute!

RORY
Lane.

LANE
Okay, I'm sorry, I just have to ask you. [whispers] How was it?

RORY
Why are you whispering?

LANE
Because I just think that no matter where she is, my mom can hear this conversation.

RORY
It was a little scary.

LANE
Was he nice to you?

RORY
Yeah. It was -- I mean, he loves me, and I love him.

LANE
Oh, my God.

GIL
[OS] Lane! Come on!

[Lane opens her door and enters the front room]

LANE
What?!

GIL
We were supposed to practice a half an hour ago.

ZACH
Brian's been yammering on about germs and spores for 20 minutes. I'm completely freaked out to touch microphone ever again.

BRIAN
I'm just saying, at the end of the night, who cleans them?

ZACH
Shut up, Brian.

GIL
Look, man, I only have the babysitter till 6:00, then it's my turn to drive them to Gymboree.

ZACH
Dude, you promised you wouldn't talk about the parental issue during band practice.

GIL
We're not having band practice, and it's not a parental issue. It's being part of the cycle of life, and that, my friend, is pure rock 'n' roll.

ZACH
Go join "The Polyphonic Spree," you fruitcake.

BRIAN
I'm just saying my bass strap has a smell.

LANE
Hey! Shut up, all of you! Now, that is my friend, and she is here in desperate need of some girl talk, and in case you haven't noticed, I am a girl, and this, right here, is what it's like to have a girl in the band, so all of you -- deal!

-Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller, 5.01
rant

Nick & Nora, Sid & Nancy [08 Jan 2006|12:12am]

all_along
[About taking care of Jess]

LUKE
You were right. I am in so far over my head that I can't see my own hat.

LORELAI
Try turning it around

LUKE
What was I thinking? Why did I say yes to this?

LORELAI
Because you saw a kid in desperate need of some help and you thought you would throw him a line.

LUKE
But me, raising a kid? I don't even like kids. They're always sticky, you know, like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow they've always got jam on their hands. I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands.

-Nick & Nora, Sid & Nancy, 2.05
2 acceptance meals|rant

Face-Off [07 Jan 2006|12:54am]

all_along
MICHEL
You are in room twelve, and your father is –

MAN
Are you from France?

MICHEL
Excuse me?

MAN
You talk funny. You from France.

MICHEL
Yes. So, as I was saying –

MAN
I was in France during the Big One.

MICHEL
Oh, that’s nice. So -

MAN
Nice? It was a war. What’s nice about that?

MICHEL
Of course. So, your father is –

MAN
Don’t give me that attitude, Frenchy. You’d be speaking German now if it wasn’t for me.

-Face-Off, 3.15
1 acceptance meal|rant

In The Clamor and the Clangor [06 Jan 2006|01:17am]

all_along
LORELAI
[Gasp] What, they lock the door to a church, are they serious? What if I need to do something holy?

LUKE
Like commit vandalism?

LORELAI
Even she's sick of hearing the damn bells.

LUKE
I'm gonna have to break the lock

LORELAI
No wait. [Gets out her wallet]

LUKE
What are you doing?

LORELAI
All those years of watching Hart to Hart are about to pay off.

LUKE
What is that?

LORELAI
It's my gym card.

LUKE
You joined a gym?

LORELAI
Yeah.

LUKE
When?

LORELAI
After I had Rory, to lose the pregnancy weight.

LUKE
Did you go?

LORELAI
God, no. I was way too fat.

-In the Clamor and the Clangor, 4.11
rant

We Got Us a Pippi Virgin [05 Jan 2006|02:11am]

all_along
LORELAI
What the hell is that?

[A large metal boxlike structure stands in the center of the room.]

EMILY
What does it look like? It's a panic room.

LORELAI
Like Jodie Foster?

EMILY
I have no idea.

LORELAI
But it's very small. It's more like an anxiety room.

EMILY
It's for one person.

LORELAI
Huh?

EMILY
You could maybe squeeze two in.

[Lorelai approaches the large object and begins fussing with it. Opening the door and looking inside]

LORELAI
And when those two are done panicking, the next couple of panickers get a turn?

EMILY
It's primarily for me.

LORELAI
Why the foyer?

EMILY
It was supposed to go upstairs, but the boors who delivered it claimed they weren't told about the stairs, so they didn't have the right equipment.

LORELAI
Hey, let's test it out. I'm gonna get you. [raises her hands like claws]

EMILY
Oh, my God.

LORELAI
You better get in there, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Baah!

EMILY
Stop it.

LORELAI
I'm menacing. Panic, damn it. Come on.

EMILY
There's nothing funny about this.

[Doorbell rings]

LORELAI
Oh! Get in, quick! Quick!

EMILY
Stop it.

[Emily walks to the door to open it.]</i>

RORY
Hi, Grandma. So -- hey, what's that?

[Lorelai stands next to the heavy structure like a car show model.]

LORELAI
I know how to protect you from shrapnel and Agent Orange. Ask me how.

EMILY
It's a panic room.

RORY
Like Jodie Foster?

EMILY
What does Jodie Foster have to do with this?

LORELAI
[Teasing] You need one for your dorm.

EMILY
That's not a stupid thought. It'll stop a 9-millimeter shell.

LORELAI
Handy for when Suge Knight comes for tea.

-We Got Us a Pippi Virgin, 5.05
2 acceptance meals|rant

A-Tisket, A-Tasket [04 Jan 2006|12:18am]

all_along
RORY
Ten.

JESS
Ten?

RORY
Yeah but I didn’t understand a word of it, so I had to reread it when I was fifteen.

JESS
I’ve yet to make it through it.

RORY
Really? Try it. The Fountainhead is classic.

JESS
Yeah, but Ayn Rand is a political nut.

RORY
Yeah, but nobody could write a forty page monologue the way that she could.

-A-Tisket, A-Tasket, 2.13
rant

You Jump, I Jump, Jack [03 Jan 2006|12:07am]

all_along
LORELAI
Oh, I'm late.

EMILY
I know.

LORELAI
Blame the insane people driving in front of me. They had a "honk if you love to scuba dive" bumper sticker on the back of their car, so I honked.

EMILY
You don't scuba dive.

LORELAI
Yes, but I've been testing people who have "honk" bumper stickers lately to see if they really want people to honk. Guess what? They don't. I lay on my horn, and this alleged scuba diver slows to a crawl in front of me just out of revenge, and I'm screwed.

EMILY
You need a hobby.

LORELAI
Yes, actually.

EMILY
Come on, Rory's waiting.

[They walk into the living room.]

RORY
Hey, what happened?

EMILY
She honked.

RORY
Oh, another bumper sticker test.

LORELAI
I just thought up a great idea for a reality show. You pull people over who have those "honk if you love whatever" bumper stickers, you kidnap them, and you make them do whatever the bumper sticker says they like to do, whether they do it or not. And then you make them eat bugs.

-You Jump, I Jump, Jack, 5.07
1 acceptance meal|rant

The Festival of Living Art [02 Jan 2006|03:14pm]

all_along
[Backstage at the Festival]

RORY
Oh, my God, you guys look so cute. You know, it was just seven short years ago that I was a little Chinese acrobat just like you.

KID
You smell!

RORY
And we respected our elders when I was a little Chinese acrobat.

-The Festival of Living Art, 4.07
2 acceptance meals|rant

Forgiveness and Stuff [01 Jan 2006|06:06am]

all_along
Hey guys, I'm back. Sorry for the hiatus but I thought: what better way to end it than on New Year's Day?! Anyway, this quote seems a little late but I wanted a New Year's quote and this was the closest I could find.



LORELAI
What did you do?

LUKE
You wanted something festive.

LORELAI
You made me a Santa burger.

LUKE
It’s not big deal.

LORELAI
He has a hat and everything.

LUKE
Yeah, I just cut a piece of wonder bread, you know, poured a little ketchup, piped on a little cream cheese.

LORELAI
No one has ever made me something quite this disgusting before. I thank you.

-Forgiveness and Stuff, 1.10
rant

The Bracebridge Dinner (and because my internet access sucks....) [28 Dec 2005|12:43pm]

sakuma_san
~sigh~ I was supposed to update this everyday for the holidays, but sadly, as soon as I left residence, I found myself without internet access. Finally, someone's wireless network decided to kick in today, so now I can add a quote. Here is the one that was supposed to be up Christmas Day, sorry guys =(

RORY

Wow.



LORELAI

What?



RORY

This is one ugly looking baby. Whose baby is this?



LORELAI

That's your second cousin's Stan's. Poor kid.



RORY

Ugh, he got Stan's everything.



LORELAI

That's not even the ugliest baby in the bunch.



RORY

You're kidding. [Continues looking through pile] Ouch!



LORELAI

That's the ugliest baby in the bunch.



RORY

I don't understand why people put pictures on cards.



LORELAI

Do they not understand we are unapologetic mockers?



RORY

There's an unexplained innocence in the world.



The Bracebridge Dinner, 2.10
1 acceptance meal|rant

So...Good Talk [22 Dec 2005|01:49am]

sakuma_san
RORY
Hello?

LORELAI
Yeah, we’ve got to talk mail.

RORY: Not again.

LORELAI
It’s all for you. Every piece. How can that be? You only half live
here.

RORY
This mail envy of yours is not pretty.

LORELAI
Catalogues, business solicitations, credit card offers, oh! And for
me, some more stupid Greenpeace return address labels.

RORY
Well, you are the environmental philanthropist in the family.

LORELAI
Well, I feel very badly for the planet right now.

RORY
Hey, you called my cell.

LORELAI
I know.

RORY
Well, I told you to call my land line. My cell phone bill is
astronomical.

LORELAI
But a conversation with me, priceless.



So...Good Talk, 5x16
rant

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